Crissy Crossbones

For those who are trying to reach Ladies of Liber-Tease webpage. it’s now  http://www.ladiesoflibertease.com – through Wix.com

WordPress.com and Wix.com do not communicate with one another apparently and would not allow me, to re route the DNS name and server from here, WordPress.com to Wix.com. Sorry if you stumble upon my personal blog LOL

http://www.ladiesoflibertease.com

So, my heart is heavy today. Severely bad night with D.J., his breathing, then told we will have to travel to Morgantown for a chest/heart specialist for D.J. due to his chest. For those who do not know, that’s over a few hours from here. Long drive.
He may end up having to have surgery put David and I in the realization, adoption must be put on hold for us, for while, anyway.
D.J. requires a lot of medical attention and throwing another child into the mix, isn’t the best scenario right now.
Not to mention, was told there is a little set back on us moving to our farm that was expected to be this Spring may be Fall before we are out there as well. Not the best time to add to our family. So please keep us in your thoughts and prayers today is a little tough on us and so was yesterday. I told myself not to cry, not to mourn my mother’s passing but, it hit me like a ton of bricks. SO much going on around here, I can not feel the way I do :/

On this day 5 years ago, around 11: 00 am , I have birth to a baby boy.
Though we was not prepared for the horrific events what would take place as soon as I got back into my room , from recovery.
This baby boy was rushed into the NICU , he was not breathing. He was blue, and was not responding. We was told he had a 50/50 of pulling through. He looked like a pin cushion, there was wires, IVS, and computer devices all around him. We discovered he had lung issues, they was supposedly not developed all the way, at 38 weeks.
They also told me, with lack of oxygen to his brain, he may be a ” vegetable ” or have a learning disability. Only time would tell. He was to stay in the NICU while I had to leave the Hospital without a baby. The first week was rough, I cried endlessly.
I just wanted my baby HEALTHY and HOME with his parents. But he wasn’t. The NICU was kind enough to call every two hours around the clock to let me know his progress. He finally got to come home, doctors apts every time we turn around.
He had to have eye surgery at 10 months old. He also had to go through pain testing for allergies, bone testing, heart testing. Still to this day, we have to go to routine testing echo cardiograms, asthma , and so much more. Now we are being told he may be ADHD. That’s why I have him tattooed on me, he is ” MOMMY’S LITTLE FIGHTER ” at five years, he has over came so much. I am so lucky to have him and to call him , my son.

It’s nice to come home to an empty nest so hubby and I can have an indefinite in depth conversation. As I look on my caller ID while in conversation I soon discovered my biggest issue of all. I am too overly nice. People ONLY seem to call when THEY need something, it’s funny how that works. It’s often a friend who needs her ” therapy best friend talks ” to asking for money or rides to somewhere often at night when my children are asleep. Never once do these people stop and think about myself or children in that situation.
It’s often the brother whom I have expressed my feelings about the past few days, who in fact wants nothing to do with me but leads me on, breaks my heart in the process every time. I do attend to be overly nice to the point of needy at times because of male figures in my life constantly hurt me, to father figures, to brother to ex boyfriends.
Thank god, I actually have a man worthy enough to look past my baggage and help me trust again. For that alone, I am so thankful for my husband.
And still to this day, I would love to have a relationship with my brother who I was robbed from having a relationship with growing up because of our father, you would think he would want better for his son, apparently not. For the past year, I have worked my ass off endlessly for the communities here in West Virgina, spending time and resources I wish I could have saved for a rainy day all to have my reputation tarnish by a couple of selfish pricks whom took my generosity a little too far. Those who actually know my family and I know the stories and know the truth, which i might add, is a funny story to tell. I am often questioned why I work so hard just to have slander and lies told upon our family, my answer is simple, faith and hope for the human kind. I didn’t know how short life was until my mother, aunt, and grandfather was all taken in a year from each other. I wish more people would see how short life is and to stop worrying about what others may think of you, that is something I am learning as life goes on. I know the truth , there for, why should I care what others may think? right?

For those who keep up to date with my general ramblings, you would know that I am a proud Military brat and Military spouse.
I recently got in touch with Soldiers’ Angels, a volunteer-led 501(c)(3) nonprofit with the mission to provide aid and comfort to the men and women of the United States Army, Marines, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard, and their families and to enable our volunteers to improve the lives of a growing veteran population.

I was inspired to do the same. I began looking into ways that I could lend a helping hand from one Military family to another.

To date, the volunteers have sent hundreds of thousands of care packages and letters to “adopted” deployed service members; they have supplied the wounded with over 25,000 of their First Response Backpacks directly at the Combat Support Hospitals in Iraq and Afghanistan and the major military hospital in Germany, as well as provided care and comfort to those in stateside military and VA facilities.
They are launching a new program called “Blankets of Belief” the goal is to wrap all of our deployed service members in blankets representative of our support and faith in them, Blankets of Belief.

The Blankets will be a physical reminder that they are not alone. When deployed service members receive a Blanket of Belief, they will know that somebody back home remembered them, that somebody labored over a handmade blanket with thoughts of them and hopes or prayers for their strength and comfort. I have began no sewing tonight and after several hours of knotting and cutting, this is my first one.
What do you think?

To find out more about Soldiers’ Angels please visit;

http://www.soldiersangels.org/

There are days when everything is a struggle. From giving D.J. the “wrong” colored bowl (true story) to fighting Tyler about the potty, my self esteem takes a hit when it feels like I’m doing more things wrong than right. Trying and failing to meet my own expectations can send me over the edge.

I’m realizing that this is a lot of why I started blogging. I needed some feedback. If I didn’t share my projects, my bad days, my motherhood stories, recipes, and general ramblings with the world, then would they even be valid?

But blogging hasn’t been giving me the self esteem boost I need. I haven’t met my own expectations here and (in my head) this must mean I am not enough. I alternate between wanting to give up and wanting to charge full steam ahead, determined to figure this whole blogging thing out.

I recently read and joined in a conversation through Facebook. We were discussing parenting topics and a working mom was talking about the guilt she has over missing events at her daughter’s preschool. I hurt for her and another mom told her, “I know you hate to miss it, but you are still a good mom.” The ladies went back and forth for a minute and the retort every time was, “But you are a good mom. Your daughter knows that and that’s all that matters.”

I wanted to cry just sitting there, because no matter what your struggle, when your heart is in the right place you are good. You are enough.

So I’m going to keep moving forward.

I am a good mom, even when I don’t feel like it. Their smiles and their cries for me tell me that.

I am a good blogger. Because as much as I would like to make a checklist for what makes a good blogger there are no rules here. I’m real. I write what I feel. I show up and I try.

And as I’ve been blessed to get to know these two ladies, maybe sharing my story here will help someone else feel like they aren’t alone in their feelings.

It’s been a few months since I updated you all about my weight loss efforts. To date, I have lost over 27 pounds!
Man, did it feel good! I felt a sense of accomplishment that is hard to describe.
A lot of friends and family has asked me how and honestly, it’s all about cardio and eating healthy.
You have to make a conscious effort to get out and run, not jog. If you don’t put in the time and effort, you will not see any results. Don’t complain or get discouraged if your not seeing results fast enough. It does take time, if you put in the ( right ) effort.
Cut the ” junk food ” and most importantly, drink water. Lots of it. I have had THREE children, all C -Sections. I will now begin to tone up my baby pooch you receive after a C -Section, wish me luck

* the picture I posted was taken two weeks ago, my best friend Britney and I went and had matching tattoos done *